From Doug's View...

This is Doug... lets get that out of the way up front so you aren't confused when reading this post.

I just wanted to write for two reasons. First, to tell everyone how amazing and strong my wife is (which I am sure you already knew) and second, to write a little bit about the pregnancy and situation from my perspective.

Four weeks ago, our lives were turned upside down once again. This time it is easier/better and harder/worse for a couple reasons. It has been better this time because we have had wonderful support from family here (thanks especially to Mom!), we were expecting these issues and were better prepared, and we also have a great doctor throughout the pregnancy. Another unexpected blessing was Andrew. I was going to write that this has made the situation harder, which it has in some instances, but it has also brought us great comfort and joy. We know what comes from this long, painful and scary process... a beautiful and wonderful boy. The same process brought us Andrew, our biggest joy and miracle in this life. He brings me comfort each day as I take care of him, and brings light and joy to Heather each time she sees him. He helps us focus on the outcome and not the process. Can't say everything has been peachy... It has had it's hard points. It has been a little harder mainly because of the hospital stay. It is difficult to get down there everyday and it is hard on Andrew to spend so much time in the car. Good Samaritan is an hour away for us, so an extra 2 hours of driving a day is a little rough. This is not to say that it isn't worth seeing my amazing wife and having the blessing of saving our little baby's life, it just makes it a little harder.

I really have it quite easy comparatively. Yes, my schedule has changed, I have to take on more responsibility with Andrew and other things but I am not confined to a room with an IV attached to my arm. I am still going to work, I am still going to school, I am still working on projects, and I am still getting up and walking! Compared to Heather's situation, I consider myself lucky... in fact I wish I could trade her spots and even out the trials. It really isn't fair that this process is not split evenly.

Heather has been so strong during the last couple weeks. It is incredibly hard and frustrating to stay in a confining room for weeks on end apart from your family. It would drive anyone crazy, especially someone that loves her family so much and aches to be with them. She has been an inspiration to me on how to stay positive and busy in such a frustrating situation. It is amazing to see the deep strength that has surfaced in her during this trial, and I just hope that I have a similar strength when my time comes. Heath... I love you so much and want you to know how proud I am to be your husband. Thanks for giving me the strength to keep on going. Can't wait to hold that new baby boy in our arms as a complete family again! Love you, Doug.

Take a look at my toes...

My doctor gave me permission to take a wheelchair ride to the park across the street from the hospital so we took advantage of it today...it was the most gorgeous day ever! My poor Doug got a good workout with the uphill ride, but we enjoyed some nice time watching Andrew play and learn his way on the monkey bars. It was a pure joy to watch my sweet boy run and play today. The cool breeze was di.vine. and being able to watch the beautiful tree branches and green leaves sway in the breeze against the perfect blue sky was a true blessing.
After my boys left for nap time a family friend brought a yummy salad and then my Mom and sister, Joanna, came to spend some time with me. The first thing I thought when they came was..."they sure are WAY more beautiful than the nurses I see coming in and out of here"...shhh, don't tell any of the nurses I said that! I missed my Alissa and Lindsay, but I did enjoy a great foot/hand scrub and massage and I now get to look at a pretty coat of toenail polish instead of the one that was falling off. :) What a treat! (note to those that are reading...those are not my feet pictured above!) I got a knitting lesson from my mom too! I'm going to need quite a few more of those in the next little while to figure out that particular skill!! We enjoyed some time together, and some great girl scout cookie blizzards... now you're wishing you were here with me too huh! :)

Now I'm waiting for my date night to start....yes, I still have a date night. Albeit in a over sized hospital gown, but a date nonetheless. I've decided I'm just going to imagine myself wearing a pair of my delicious heels and carrying my red clutch to help me feel a little more like I'm on a real date and not in the hospital. We are going to eat our hospital food and watch 17 again. I think that's what the movie is called. I'll have to let you know how it is.

I'm grateful today for Saturdays, the flavor of mint and beautiful women who brighten up any room.

I am the lucky one...

Today wasn't the greatest of days. I haven't been feeling well the past two days and the ways I have been feeling have been signs pointing to some of the possible things that might go wrong, for which we've been watching. The good news is we are still at the 'seeing signs' part and not the 'things going wrong part'...so I need to be grateful for that and continue to let the people here help me in every possible way so we can try and continue to stay away from those outcomes. (I know that all sounds very vague, but it's hard to talk about lady oriented things and still maintain my ladylike status :)

Doug and Andrew just left after a nice few hours together to eat dinner, get Andrew a shower and enjoy a little bit of cuddle time during the first half of a kiddie movie.

My sweet little Andrew is just not himself these days. It breaks my heart to see him change like this especially because I know it's due to the situation we are in right now. He was having a really hard time eating his dinner and I have to say that I'm actually suprisingly grateful for the opportunity I had tonight to help my winy, sad and frustrated little boy eat his dinner. I would normally be feeling some frustration myself with the battle - not joy, but today it made me happy and I loved it. It seemed like we were pulling his teeth out for a while there, but to have him sit next to me and be able to help him with something....anything, even when it's frustrating was therapeutic for me today. I miss taking care of my boys.

We let Andrew take a shower in my "hopistal" (aka "hospital") shower and he was happy about the idea but then when the process was started, he gave his daddy some serious grief. Once it was all over I was able to cuddle in my hospital bed with my clean, yummy smelling boy for a whole hour before they had to leave for bedtime.

I'm so grateful to be the Mother of this beautiful boy! I am in awe when he comes to visit me and I have to constantly remind myself that he actually belongs to ME! That I am the lucky one who gets to bring him home when this is all over......I love the roundness of his cheeks, the hair on his legs, the way his feet look dirty even right out of the shower, the softness of his skin and the way he grabs my hand and rubs it against his tummy to tell me...without words....that he wants me to rub his chest and tummy. I love the way he asks "are you going to be sad when I leave?" and "don't worry Mommy, I promise I'll come back to see you later...don't be sad." And when he hugs me and says "Mommy, I love you so much!"

Oh, I also love when he watches me eat anything and says, "Mommy, your food is bonking your baby." What a silly boy.

Thank you sweethart for coming to be with me tonight...you erased every other moment of the day and just made today a special few hours with the two boys I love most! Thanks for bringing our sweet Drewboy...I needed some special hugs and kisses from his chubby little face today.

It seems all the women around me, here in the hospital, seem to be giving birth whether at term or not....how is it that we are so blessed to have gained two weeks? Even if they are the two blurriest and potentially scariest weeks of my life thus far. I'm so incredibly grateful for this blessing and to be able to witness so many miracles take place in my life and the life of my little family...

Elephants...

I just watched an episode of Planet Earth with Doug tonight and we watched as Elephants crossed the dusty desert without any food and water for weeks. When they finally reached a water source they jumped in the water with joy and swam around drinking and spraying water. They looked so incredibly happy and refreshed...wouldn't you? In a funny way I related to the feelings they were expressing and said, "That's how I feel when I am allowed to take a shower here..." That's also how I felt the other day when they detached me from my IV medication cart.

The last two nights I've had the privilege of sleeping without this newest appendage (IV cart) and it has been incredibly freeing. They've left an IV hep lock in my arm (which won't stop bleeding) just in case something happens and they need to hook me up again fast and get those meds pumping through my system. They've changed my medication around a couple times and we are now just waiting to see how my body reacts to these changes.

We had another ultrasound done yesterday which didn't really tell us much. (I'm going to try and explain with the least amount of details). My situation, on paper, looks the slightest bit better but in reality nothing has changed. Baby has changed position in the last couple days and is now breech which has relieved a little bit of pressure and resulted in fewer contractions (well, with a LOT of help from the medication) which, in turn, has resulted in a better looking image on the sonogram....we are talking 1/2 cm people, not much.

Today when I woke up and got dressed, I noticed my baby bump had changed. It got significantly smaller overnight. All I can contribute it to is that baby has changed position again and is back in the "get ready, get set, here I come" position.

The past two days have been significantly calmer around here, which is fantastic, but I can't help but feel like it is the calm before the next storm.

I feel so incredibly blessed to have made it this close to the 'safer' zone...especially after last weeks close call. So now we just continue to wait and do what the doctors and specialists tell me to do. And continue to pray for these miracles to be showered upon us just as a welcomed spray of refreshing water.

Mom

I never planned on posting any pictures or allowing anyone to actually take pictures of me in the hospital, but I loved this picture of me and Mom...gosh, I love this woman!

Quiet

It's been really quiet around the hospital today.... I know that's a good thing, but it makes for a very long day! I've got family time scheduled later today that I'll be waiting to indulge in.

This morning I decided to read through the whole Ensign and the idea must have come as inspiration because there were so many wonderful thoughts that I was able to apply to myself which brought me peace today. I know these thoughts will apply to so many of you, as well, who will read this so I want to share a little of one of the messages...they are words from one of the servants of the Lord....

"You are an essential part of our Heavenly Father's plan for eternal happiness; you are endowed with a divine birthright..."

"May I invite you to rise to the great potential within you...Do the best you can and the Lord will provide the rest. Have faith and confidence in Him, and you will see miracles happen in your life and the lives of your loved ones..."

"My dear sisters, as you live your daily life with all its blessings and challenges, let me assure you that the Lord loves you. He knows you. He listens to your prayers, and He answers those prayers...He wants you to succeed in this life and in eternity."

"Brethren, I pray that we as priesthood holders - as husbands, fathers, sons, brothers, and friends of these choice women - may see these women as the Lord sees them, as daughters of God with limitless potential to influence the world for good."

- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Yesterday I was grateful for yummy smelling lotion, foot massages, and clean underwear.

Today I'm grateful for the smell and taste of fresh peaches, hugs and kisses from loved ones and hot showers.

Green eyes and chubby cheeks

Living at the hospital indefinitely, to say the least, is not very much fun and it's made even harder when your beautiful little boy with green eyes and chubby cheeks hugs you and says... "Mommy, I want you to come home with me"...Please let me not forget why I have to be here...Help me remember the things I've lost so far in this process can be retrieved in time. The Lord is with us and has blessed us with countless miracles. May we not ever forget.

Boys

I cannot explain the kind of joy I feel when I see the faces of my beautiful boys. It's always been a great joy, but right now it is a fierce kind of joy.

Last night Doug and Andrew came to my hospital room prepared for a family date night. They came bearing gifts of popcorn, cookies and chocolate covered pretzels... of which I tried desperately to partake only to not be very successful. We turned on the movie, Cars, and all squished tight on my hospital bed. I had a hard time watching the movie (due mostly to the headaches and blurry vision) but my attention was mostly fixed on the pure joy and love I felt in that moment. - it made me smile from the inside out -

I've always been madly in love with my little family, but there is something different about any tough situation that brings a family even closer together. It's the little things right now that lift my spirit and heart to soar above all the worrying, fretting and waiting.

Drewboy's little muddy toes and chocolate smeared face

The warmth of my sweet husband's arm around my shoulder

A giggle and a smile

A hairy hand to hold while my IV site is being changed out

"I love you more, Mommy"

A concerned and gentle lift from my husband to help me out of bed

The way the sunlight shines just right in my room at 4pm

These are the kinds of things that get me through each day...I'm so blessed to have a great and loving supportive family...and to be loved by the two sweetest and most handsome boys in the whole world - they make my life go round.

Pillows

I'm looking at the white board in front of me and it says it's Thursday August 20th. I can't find the words to describe how that makes me feel...for the good and the not so good. There have been good moments and bad moments this week, but all in all we are holding together. Our baby is still growing in my belly and we are taking one step at a time.

I've had appointments, exams and tests done but for now they don't want to stir up my body anymore than necessary so they are leaving me alone for the most part. (I guess 'leaving me alone' means continuing to monitor me, check to see if the fluids are filling up my lungs, wake me up to give me more medicine, etc. etc. etc.)

One of my IV medications has some side effects that are hard to handle so I'm trying to do my best with those right now... the blurred vision, blurred thoughts and concentration, nausea, stomach pain, hot flashes and flu-like symptoms were a little more than I could bear today, but I did my best. I had my mom and a couple dear friends visit which sure made for a bright spot in my day and my two favorite visitors came too...my Drewboy and my sweetheart.

My beautiful Mom brought Andrew with all his cuteness and he jumped right up in bed with me and snuggled under my arm...where he fits perfectly. We ate some snacks and played some games together - the best gift of the day! -thanks mom-

Yesterday we had an appointment for a NICU consultation and all in all it went well. We saw a couple beautiful tiny babies being taken care of that were close to the same gestational age as our little one right now. We were able to ask lots of questions and have everything explained in detail. They wanted to best prepare us for our possible future and they did a great job! The NICU here is beautiful and Doug and I left knowing that this hospital is exactly where we need to be right now, no matter how hard it might be.

Today I am grateful for cool air on my cheek and my snuggly body pillow from home...thanks sweetheart!

Twisters

You know that scene in the old movie Twister when they hold onto the metal pipes and the tornado barrels right over them? Their feet fly in the air, debris in their eyes and they are holding on for dear life? That's what yesterday felt like.

I went to the doctors for my appointment and found myself walking very slowly down the hallway, taking deep breaths as I went. I went by myself. I'll admit, I was really scared. My gut told me that something was going to change (I had been feeling a little different lately and Sunday wasn't the best of days) and it made me want to run for dear life in the opposite direction!

The news wasn't good and I could tell as soon as the technician looked at the sonogram screen. She didn't even have to say anything, she said it with her eyes. She told me the measurement and then she said, "I'm going to call the doctor". My doctor was on an airplane to NYC. Great.

I was then immediately wheeled over to the hospital checked and double checked, monitored, heavily medicated, etc. Then my beautiful Mom and amazing husband came to hold my hand through the process. I was told I would have to be transported to another hospital because my body was screaming every sign that we would see this baby in the next 24-48 hours and the NICU at my hospital was not sufficient for our baby's needs at such an early age.

Then came my first ride ever in an ambulance...not really on my 'bucket' list, but you do what you have to do. My driver, Jerry, made sure all the bumps were as smooth as possible. He was great...except for that unexpected stop that sent us all sliding. I kept saying to myself "Andrew would think this was so much fun!" It helped me get through the ride.

Once in the new hospital all the checks and double checks were re-checked, more monitoring, serious meds which make me have full body shakes and put me in the land of flu-filled wonderment. All this and my body just didn't want to cooperate. Then finally, we broke through it all and got my body to calm down on 4 different medications. It was a miracle. My sweet Dad came to the hospital as well and He and Doug gave me a Priesthood blessing just 4-5 hours prior to the breakthrough and I know that was what broke the cycle and got my body and baby to calm down. The Lord is watching over us.

Today is calmer than yesterday. I just had another ultrasound to check everything yet again and my measurements have changed (gotten smaller - which isn't good) already....in just one day. So now what do we do? We wait. I stay here in my hospital bed with tubes hanging from my arms and scoot my attached medication cart with me wherever I go. We get re-evaluated in a week unless something else happens.

I know this post isn't full of giggles and smiles, but this is the truth. It's just what is happening. I keep most of the details and full explanations to myself just because this isn't the right place for it. If you want to ask and know more, call or email me... It's a crazy scary twister over here and all we can do is hold on!

The good news I got today was that our little babe weighs 2 lbs. 7 oz. which is better than expected (1 lb. 15oz.) and he is gorgeous!

Fairies....

Yesterday two beautiful cleaning fairies came to our house. They looked just like this... They fluttered in and before I knew it my floors were clean, my carpet spotless, all my laundry in the machine, dinner in the fridge, my dishes done, my counters wiped, my toilets shiny....everything! What was one of the best parts about this fairy visit was to slip between the covers at bedtime and have crisp, clean smelling sheets welcome me. It was just perfect!

I can't even begin to explain to you what this small act means to me and it honestly was pure torture to watch it all take place, but once I get myself past that, it was one of the most beautiful sights to behold. I wouldn't let just anybody do all that for us, but it's an amazing thing to see how much love is had for this little baby of mine, by his family, before he has even shown his face!

Tomorrow is another appointment and today is filled with worry...unfortunately that's nothing new. I feel like there might be some more changes this week. I say that just because of some of the things my body has been feeling, but I've been wrong before. Our prayers never cease.

I know a lot of my thoughts on this blog now focus on bed rest and what that is like, but the biggest part in all of this is WHY I'm lying here and I have to remember that all the time.... I'm lying here because my body can't hold a baby nice and tight in my belly like it's supposed to and that is NOT my fault, it's just the way my body is. I'm lying here because it is my part in doing all I can to fulfill a portion of our Heavenly Father's plan. I'm lying here because the life of one of Heavenly Father's special spirits is depending on it. I'm lying here praying that this whole process will ensure our arms with a beautiful child in the end, but nothing is ever certain.

We love the Lord and know He is watching over us. We know He has a plan and is leading us down the path that has been carved out for our family. We know there is much to learn from all trials with which we are faced...that's one of the reasons we are all given them. The Lord is good to all of us, even in hard and scary times.

Much love to my beautiful fairies...you blessed my days (and Doug's days) more than you will know.

FHE

Today isn't Monday, it's Friday. I couldn't forget that important fact today... Andrew knows the garbage man comes on Fridays so I'm reminded what day it is multiple times until the garbage man actually shows up and then I'm reminded that it is Friday and he has already come! We like Fridays around here!

I looked at these pictures from about 3 1/2 weeks ago and they made me smile today, remembering how much fun we had... so I must share. Our activity, after FHE, was making pipe cleaner animals together and then Doug and I made a hat for Andrew out of pipe cleaners. I sure love these cute boys! We made a pipe cleaner monkey, snake and tiger...Andrew showing off Doug's funky monkey and his finished hat!

A small reminder for those who will notice...Yes, I'm sitting in these pictures and yes, on a hard chair. This was 3 1/2 weeks ago...Sitting is not an option anymore. Don't worry.

Zebras

these are what made me happy today

I'm not going to lie. I had no patience for all of this today
my problem at hand, that is, and all that comes with it.
I'm thinking it was because I had a whole day full of irregular contractions yesterday and
Last night I had some big whoppin' contractions which caused me to not get much sleep and wake up exhausted
I don't know...maybe it was just one of those days.

I felt like letting out a scream ... maybe just a little one.
Tomorrow will be better

Thanks, Mom, for bringing these shoes home for me! And for the Luau Salad from the Cheesecake Factory...they were counted as some of the serious highlights of my day! And thanks for everything else you've been doing for us.....your amazing....i love you. and i love these shoes.

Purple

Today was fairly uneventful...which is good. Here are 4 of the things I did that made me smile today: (please don't laugh, the simple things in life are all I have right now and where I must find the most joy) :)

1. Hugged, Kissed, read books to and loved on my Drewboy
2. Made a paper race car for my nephew, Spencer
3. Fed whip cream to my niece, Lauryn
4. Wore a beautiful bright purple scarfToday I am grateful for showers. I have always held a nice scalding hot shower close to my heart, but now that they are one of the only two times I am allowed to sit up and get out of bed or off the couch...they are more wonderful than ever before!

Chubby, tan legs....

I just got back from my weekly appointment and the ultrasound showed that there have been no changes in the weakening of my body this week. It was great news since we are so close to being on a hospital bed rest... and thought it very possible to start this week... but it also means that nothing has changed. We were super excited and really happy after the ultrasound results and then, while we waited to see the doctor, I think the reality kind of sank in. That's when Doug and I found ourselves looking at each other wondering why we weren't feeling super happy anymore. I guess It's hard to explain how it feels to get good news and yet have it not change your circumstance or possible outcomes at all. We do continue to feel very blessed. We've made it another week! We love the Lord and know He will never cease to watch over our little family.

I've decided to include in my posts, during this time, some things that I am grateful for each day or things that just make me happy...

Yesterday: I'm grateful for the sounds of my little boy and my husband running around the house playing hide and go seek. It makes me so happy to hear my Andrew count to 16 and then mess up the next number and say "...eleventeen...oh, umm....ready or not, here I come!"

I'm grateful to have an amazing husband who will make me homemade black bean nachos and fruit smoothies when I'm hungry. Also, and most importantly, to have a husband and best friend who is able and willing to pass me the sacrament when I am not able to go to my meetings and receive it on my own.

Today: I'm grateful for a nurse who can take my blood with one prick, not 4. I'm also grateful for red vines....they remind me of my Grandma and taste oh, so delicious!

It makes me so happy to see rainstorms in the sunshine, steam rise off the hot pavement, and the chubby, tan legs of my niece, Lauryn!

Teaching....

I had to postpone my piano studio teaching this week. I'm really disappointed and upset as I was hoping to make it much MUCH farther before I had to cancel that part of my life for the time being. It is such a big part of who I am and I really love each of my students and love teaching them....it was a sad, sad day. I'm just trying to remember that it won't be forever....there is an end in sight. There will be a day I can get all of those things back that I love so much! I will anxiously await the day I can see them again and teach them about one of my greatest loves!

"You CAN..."

I just kissed my boys goodbye for their first Sunday without me. Andrew said, "Mommy, are you coming to church with us?" Then he said, "No, Mommy, you have to stay there in bed." It made me want to cry. I'm so excited for the day I can run around with my little man again.

Last night my Mom and sisters, Joanna and Lindsay, (I missed you, Alissa!) came over with a movie, nail polish and popcorn and spent some time with me on the couch. It was so nice to get a chance to laugh and enjoy their company. My sweet Mom treated me to a pedicure along with a leg and back massage...WOW! All I can say is it brought inexplicable joy! Lying around on strict bed rest takes a serious toll on your body and I'm already feeling the affects of it....stiffness, aches and pains all over, and eventually the loss of muscle and bone mass--it's all beginning and that massage was just what I needed!
I've been trying to stay as positive as I can, especially when I post something here, but I have to be honest for just a second and say that this is really hard! Someone I love dearly wrote me a little note the other day and she said "You CAN do HARD things!" It was a great motivator because it didn't insinuate that this was a piece of cake or if she was in the same position she would handle it any better. It just said...whatever happens, you are fully capable no matter how hard, frightening, or painful it might be...you can do it.

I know that the only reason I'm capable is that the Lord is on my side in the good and bad, the exciting and scary. He is the one who lifts me up and gives me the strength to keep going. He knows every detail, He's felt everything I'm feeling and only through Him can I do hard things.

I keep bringing myself back to this quote I found..."Even when you're seemingly doing nothing, rest assured you're actually doing everything you can to ensure the arrival of a healthy baby – each new day you carry your little one inside is an achievement to be celebrated, and each week is a tribute to your strength and love. Moms are giving and selfless, and you are a Mom. "
– Alisa Ikeda

Whenever I talk to one of my greatest friends she always says, "Another day down!" and she's right. We see everyday as a miracle over here. Everyday as another achievement. The Lord has sure blessed our family with some beautiful days over here in the last few months and I hope that perspective will continue for long after our little one arrives!

Another appointment tomorrow....I will update you on the news we receive.

It's a new day.

Doug left for a business trip yesterday and while I was hugging him goodbye I thought to myself...."I hope everything is alright while he is gone." Then I kissed him goodbye and was left in my mom's warm bed to start my day. I didn't wake up feeling very well, which might subconsciously explain the above thought. I felt nauseated, weak with hot and cold chills and just all around weird. Doug hadn't felt well the night before so I thought maybe I was just getting what he had but as the day progressed I realized that wasn't it at all.

I've said before that I have contractions all day, everyday, but they had stopped being as regular or persistent as of late, until yesterday. At around 11 they were 15 minutes apart non-stop, by 3:00 they were 8 minutes apart and then I called the doctor at 4...they had been non-stop for 5 hours. fun. I have very strict instructions as to when I need to call Dr. G and when I don't so my plan was just to call him and inform him of the situation, but he changed my plan and informed ME that he wanted me at the hospital in 20min with no guarantee that I would be coming back home. great. my favorite place.

So yesterday was our first day in the hospital since surgery. By shear miracle I've been given the most amazing mom on the planet and she jumped up from her seat and got me in the car. I was privileged enough to ride in one of the biggest wheelchairs I've ever seen....seriously people, like room for 3, and soon enough I found myself in a hospital gown with a new bracelet constantly reminding me of my identity.I had to leave my napping boy with my sister, Lindsay, but I new he would be in fantastic hands. My other napping boy, the one in my belly, came with us and mom and I got to hear him dance and kick his heart out while he was being monitored. That boy was so loud we couldn't even hear each other talk! They monitored me as well and did a bunch of tests and exams, all of which are too personal and caused too much pain to mention, but by then my belly had relaxed and was just acting irritated with irregular tightening and contractions....not regular like before.

All in all... it was long, it was scary...it was the least amount of fun I've had in a couple months (besides the great alone time I got with my mom while we were there...That was the best part!). OK, I guess there was an even better part...I got to ride that enormous wheelchair AGAIN, back out to the car at 9:30. What a great blessing to be able to come home!!!! I came home really sore and tired, but hey....I got to come home!

So now I'm on prescription muscle relaxers to try and keep my belly from doing anything like that again. It seems on top of the complications I already have, my body just doesn't seem to understand when it's supposed to do what. Why?! I wish I knew.

With the least amount of dirty details I could manage that was how I spent my day yesterday... I'm so grateful for beautiful surroundings, enormous wheelchairs, beds with mattresses thicker than 2 inches and people who love me and this little one so much that they would drop everything and take action to help me when my other half isn't here to do so. thanks. much love.

What?!?!

How can I feel surprised AT ALL when hearing the words "strict bed rest"? I've heard it before and done it before so why did my heart sink and my stomach seem to crawl slowly and involuntarily out of my mouth at the sound of those particular words? I guess I'm still struggling, and I'm sure will continue, with two different sides of myself. There is the one half that was expecting this and just waiting for the ominous day to come and the other half that was trying so desperately to be hopeful and believe all those around me who were trying to do the same...I guess that was the half that dropped to the floor yesterday when I saw the sonogram screen.

In one weeks time, on a modified bed rest schedule, my body continued to weaken and we lost 6\10ths (which is quite a bit) of some very treasured centimeters that don't seem to want to do their job... and that brought me here...lying in bed with my laptop in a quiet house doing my best to defy gravity. I wish I could do it Elfaba style!Is the bed rest going to help? We hope so. Dr.G said yesterday if he could put me in a pool for 3+ months he would. I'm sure that would help immensely, but just imagine the kind of skin I would walk out of there wearing!! The raisin wrinkles wouldn't just stop at my fingertips, I'm sure!

In attempts to always continue learning more about my condition (of which there doesn't seem to be much information) I found these quotes from articles that really struck home....

"If you're at the high risk of experiencing complications, your pregnancy will be a major commitment one that will change virtually every aspect of your life during the months ahead."

"Your perfect pregnancy - the one we're brought up to believe every woman gets to experience - has now become that 'other thing' you read about in magazines and books. You are now in the high-risk category. Everyone, even your obstetrician, is behaving differently toward you."

"Here are some of the types of emotions you may be experiencing:
Guilt, Anger, Sadness, Resentment, Helplessness, Fear, etc. ..." I'll leave it at that and won't continue with the detailed explanation of each of these.

So, I'm going to stop here for today. Doug and I are going to need some more time together to renew our combined strength and move forward again... Thanks for all your love and support. I know we will need more help in the months to come than we will ever be able to repay and we thank you now from the bottom of our Wilson hearts! May the Lord continue to watch over this sweet soul growing in my belly.