I am the lucky one...

Today wasn't the greatest of days. I haven't been feeling well the past two days and the ways I have been feeling have been signs pointing to some of the possible things that might go wrong, for which we've been watching. The good news is we are still at the 'seeing signs' part and not the 'things going wrong part'...so I need to be grateful for that and continue to let the people here help me in every possible way so we can try and continue to stay away from those outcomes. (I know that all sounds very vague, but it's hard to talk about lady oriented things and still maintain my ladylike status :)

Doug and Andrew just left after a nice few hours together to eat dinner, get Andrew a shower and enjoy a little bit of cuddle time during the first half of a kiddie movie.

My sweet little Andrew is just not himself these days. It breaks my heart to see him change like this especially because I know it's due to the situation we are in right now. He was having a really hard time eating his dinner and I have to say that I'm actually suprisingly grateful for the opportunity I had tonight to help my winy, sad and frustrated little boy eat his dinner. I would normally be feeling some frustration myself with the battle - not joy, but today it made me happy and I loved it. It seemed like we were pulling his teeth out for a while there, but to have him sit next to me and be able to help him with something....anything, even when it's frustrating was therapeutic for me today. I miss taking care of my boys.

We let Andrew take a shower in my "hopistal" (aka "hospital") shower and he was happy about the idea but then when the process was started, he gave his daddy some serious grief. Once it was all over I was able to cuddle in my hospital bed with my clean, yummy smelling boy for a whole hour before they had to leave for bedtime.

I'm so grateful to be the Mother of this beautiful boy! I am in awe when he comes to visit me and I have to constantly remind myself that he actually belongs to ME! That I am the lucky one who gets to bring him home when this is all over......I love the roundness of his cheeks, the hair on his legs, the way his feet look dirty even right out of the shower, the softness of his skin and the way he grabs my hand and rubs it against his tummy to tell me...without words....that he wants me to rub his chest and tummy. I love the way he asks "are you going to be sad when I leave?" and "don't worry Mommy, I promise I'll come back to see you later...don't be sad." And when he hugs me and says "Mommy, I love you so much!"

Oh, I also love when he watches me eat anything and says, "Mommy, your food is bonking your baby." What a silly boy.

Thank you sweethart for coming to be with me tonight...you erased every other moment of the day and just made today a special few hours with the two boys I love most! Thanks for bringing our sweet Drewboy...I needed some special hugs and kisses from his chubby little face today.