Tuesday, August 4, 2009

What?!?!

How can I feel surprised AT ALL when hearing the words "strict bed rest"? I've heard it before and done it before so why did my heart sink and my stomach seem to crawl slowly and involuntarily out of my mouth at the sound of those particular words? I guess I'm still struggling, and I'm sure will continue, with two different sides of myself. There is the one half that was expecting this and just waiting for the ominous day to come and the other half that was trying so desperately to be hopeful and believe all those around me who were trying to do the same...I guess that was the half that dropped to the floor yesterday when I saw the sonogram screen.

In one weeks time, on a modified bed rest schedule, my body continued to weaken and we lost 6\10ths (which is quite a bit) of some very treasured centimeters that don't seem to want to do their job... and that brought me here...lying in bed with my laptop in a quiet house doing my best to defy gravity. I wish I could do it Elfaba style!Is the bed rest going to help? We hope so. Dr.G said yesterday if he could put me in a pool for 3+ months he would. I'm sure that would help immensely, but just imagine the kind of skin I would walk out of there wearing!! The raisin wrinkles wouldn't just stop at my fingertips, I'm sure!

In attempts to always continue learning more about my condition (of which there doesn't seem to be much information) I found these quotes from articles that really struck home....

"If you're at the high risk of experiencing complications, your pregnancy will be a major commitment one that will change virtually every aspect of your life during the months ahead."

"Your perfect pregnancy - the one we're brought up to believe every woman gets to experience - has now become that 'other thing' you read about in magazines and books. You are now in the high-risk category. Everyone, even your obstetrician, is behaving differently toward you."

"Here are some of the types of emotions you may be experiencing:
Guilt, Anger, Sadness, Resentment, Helplessness, Fear, etc. ..." I'll leave it at that and won't continue with the detailed explanation of each of these.

So, I'm going to stop here for today. Doug and I are going to need some more time together to renew our combined strength and move forward again... Thanks for all your love and support. I know we will need more help in the months to come than we will ever be able to repay and we thank you now from the bottom of our Wilson hearts! May the Lord continue to watch over this sweet soul growing in my belly.

4 comments:

Jack-Jack said...

Go Elfaba! --- The vision may be hazy right now, but with the help of the, "Wizard", you and that sweet baby will defy gravity. Love,Mom

Jenny said...

Thank you for sharing! It is humbling to read everything that you are going through! Our prayers are with you!

aejohanson said...

In so many ways it is so sad to think that other people have gone through what you are going through or are currently experiencing it, or will experience it. But what a source of strength you can all be to each other.

But really, the biggest source of strength is the One who really knows. He knows exactly how you feel...all the physically pain, all the emotionally pain, the worry, the jealousy, the heartache, the confusion. All of it. I don't know how it works, but I know it does!

I know that this journey is a difficult one. But I know you've got a strong fight in you. Know that I love you and am praying for you.

Much Love.

Nick, Sara, and kids said...

O Heather I hope with all of my heart you can keep him in there just a little bit longer. Check this out real quick http://lifeslittleblessingz.blogspot.com/
you met her at the jewelry party I did for Joanna a couple of years ago. She is in the Cherry Grove ward

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