Fuzzy hair...

So I know I didn't update this week like I said I would. Things are still status quo. I had this weird epiphany at my appointment and was a little on the emotionally crazy side for a few days... so I decided to take a little break from the blog.

During another one of my uncomfortable ultrasounds, (of which I've had 35+ during this pregnancy...and I'm weeks away from even being 35 weeks along!) I saw our baby's fuzzy head of hair. This might seem like a very minor image, but to me it brought an epiphany I never expected.

Before Doug and I even started thinking and praying about this next step in our family's life, we were not able to allow ourselves to get excited about the prospect of another sweet baby in our family. I know many others were excited for us, but we held ourselves back for good reason.

We knew what our Heavenly Father wanted us to do and had faith that He would see us through our journey, but we were also armed with the knowledge of my condition and the possible outcomes that present themselves along with it. This brought about uncertainty and discomfort with the unknown. We couldn't really talk about the baby or plan in any way for the arrival of a baby. We just walked the path slowly and carefully with Faith hoping we could make it to our goal.

This lasted until we hit the 28-30 week mark. Once we hit that goal we found ourselves staring at each other in disbelief saying..."We are actually going to have a baby!" It brought about some much needed and anticipated relief and we were finally able to let go of some of the other feelings.

This brings me to the fuzzy hair....how could a blurry image of my baby's fuzzy hair suddenly snap me into the reality that this special baby is real. He is ours. He is actually coming. I have a baby belly, I have all the discomforts of pregnancy along with all my extra 'special' ones, I have most all the signs of labor everyday, I have people trying to stop that labor all the time, I have been in and out of the hospital, I've had to have surgery to try and keep my baby in my womb, he moves inside my belly, etc. etc. etc. How could I experience these things since week 14 and NOT feel like this is real? How could a baby's fuzzy hair be the key? I have no idea.

All I can say is I am dumbfounded, in awe, in shock, amazed, and so incredibly grateful that we have come this far. We have been showered with miracles. This child is one incredible soul...

and I'm grateful for his fuzzy hair...