Sleeplessness

Sleep is hard to come by in the hospital. Isn't sleep supposed to greatly benefit the healing process.....?!? Here you sleep in a bed full of lighted call buttons and machines with flashing lights, an air mattress with lights, and the hall lights. You're also nudged out of your dreamless sleep countless times for various reasons (meds, exams, checks, etc.) and most of all your brain can't stop thinking, wondering, worrying, mulling, etc. Napping during the day to compensate is unheard of too. How can you sleep when most every thought is consumed with all the unknown and potentially scary possibilities that loom in front of you? Well folks, today I'm saying goodbye to a couple (yes, only a couple) of these reasons for sleeplessness. That's right....they are letting me go home for the time being.

Lots of mixed emotions come along with this decision and I'm sure there are many who won't be able to understand why, so let me explain....

The troubles are not over. It's been explained to me numerous times that just because they have decided to send me home DOESN'T mean coming back for another long stay isn't in our future....in fact, they've said that they are planning on seeing me again soon. The doctor said in all reality that I could have only 3 days or maybe even a week at home and then have to be readmitted. This is NOT the exciting part of this decision and naturally begs the question: then why send me home? They have squelched the fire of the initial crisis a few weeks ago when we almost had the baby and we have seen things calm down since then. My body isn't fixed, healed or better, just stable for the past few days.

This doesn't mean that I get to run around and play at home...I get to do the same things at home that I've been doing here. nothing. BUT... I DO get to see my family, eat with my family, watch them play and not be an hour away. I get to read stories to my boy and not sleep alone. I get to hear my boy play in the bathtub and enjoy everyone's company for longer than a couple hours. If I get that for 3 days....it will be 3 fantabulous days!

I will be right back in the doctor's office being checked on Tuesday and continue weekly and most likely bi-weekly very soon. That is, if nothing else happens. So that is where we go from here...

As I look back on the past few weeks I've spent here I honestly don't remember a lot (except all the things that kept me from sleep), but what I do remember and will never forget is that the chance to be here and have these specialists, doctors and nurses take care of me and my baby has saved our family from having our son before he was ready. The time I've spent here has saved us the life and health of our boy...that I will never forget.