"little things" for Thanksgiving Part 3

I love Thanksgiving.
Not for the turkey or pumpkin pie, although enticing and delicious....I love Thanksgiving because it is a day set aside solely to give thanks.
I know we all have so much to be thankful for...even if things in our life aren't perfect.
There is ALWAYS something for which we can (and should) give thanks!

A piano in my home. It is a great blessing to be a professional musician. Music speaks from the soul things we are not capable of expressing with words and I'm so blessed to own my own piano not only for use in my profession, but for my own enjoyment.

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Beauty. I am inspired by beauty. It brings me joy....and beauty can be seen in everything!

Calluses. I know, a weird thing to be thankful for, but it shows hard work, dedication, love, and motivation. All of which are beautiful things!
Dancing. I'm not a very good dancer, but I love the way it feels when my favorite song is on and my body can't help but express joy through movement.

Education. I'm so grateful for a chance to get a great education and I'm grateful for all the people who helped make that happen.

Fall. The color of the leaves. The crunch of them beneath my toes. The crisp, cool air....all of it.
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Garbage trucks, and their drivers. Take a second and imagine life without them.....yeah, they are pretty great. You should sincerely thank one the next time they stop by your house! I have a Thank You note ready on our garbage can for ours tomorrow!

Healing. The ability to heal is incredible! I've watched - and worked terribly hard - as my knee has undergone surgery and 2 months of healing. It is a beautiful miracle to behold.

Illustrations done by my children. Not only can my Green boy draw me beautiful pictures, he can write me love notes which I treasure.

Jokes. I love a good joke. I don't think I'm all that funny or witty so I am really grateful for the people in my life who can make me laugh. Man....I love a good laugh.

Kicks. I'm so grateful for shoes. Have you stopped and thought about how blessed you are to be able to own a pair of shoes to protect your little feet? I have, and I'm sooo grateful.

Littlies. I am head over heels in love with my little miracles and my blue boy and green boy have stolen my heart.
Mr. Wilson. He's the number one boy around here and I am so grateful to be married to my best friend. He lifts me up and inspires me to be better. What an amazing blessing!

Noses. Without my nose I would miss out on so much joy. I mean, there are lots of things I would rather not smell, but the smell of cinnamon, freshly baked cookies, Mr.Wilson's cologne,  pumpkin pie, bonfire, apple cider, and freshly bathed babies brings bliss.

Other people. I am grateful for all the people in my life who encourage, support and love me. They inspire me to try harder, reach for my dreams and have greater love for those around me.

Pets. We love our little black Bella and the place she holds in our family.

Quilts. My angel Mother is a maker of beautiful quilts and not only do they offer warmth and comfort, they are special works of art.

Reading. I am so grateful for the ability to read and the joy that comes from comprehending and learning new things.

Scriptures. I love the truth found within their pages. I love the joy and knowledge that comes from reading them.
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Temples. 

 
Underwear. Well, it's true!

Vacuum. ugh. I really love what a fresh vacuuming job can do for my home.

Walls. Whether it's an apartment, duplex, condo or home....I've always felt so blessed to have a roof over my head and walls to bring me warmth and comfort.

Xyzal. My allergy pills. Soooo grateful for you!

You readers who come to my little space here at 'squeezing it all in'. I'm so grateful for you!

Zesty meals. Yes, I figured out a way to use the letter 'z'.

I hope you have all had a great Thanksgiving Day! 

Remember, we don't have to be grateful one day a year.
We can be searching for our beautiful little blessings everyday.
That's what my search for life's "little things" is all about!

What I love to call mine...

There was cause for a celebration this week as a certain Mr. Somebody turned 2.
I kept myself pretty busy getting a Jeep cake prepared for this little man, but it made it all worth it when he called out "Jeep" with excitement upon his first view of the cake.
(even though it didn't turn out how I planned and I was afraid he wouldn't be able to recognize it.)

 

I get to celebrate my little miracle boys every single day, but when their birthdays roll around there is an extra special amount of love and gratitude in my heart at the privilege I have of being able to love and squeeze them here on this Earth.

Even though his Birthday was a day full of crying and fit throwing - and I was lucky enough to catch the one smile of the day on film - I wouldn't change anything.

These little men have changed me for the better and I'm so happy I get to call them mine.

Special Care Service Project

Today I'm SOOO excited to FINALLY tell you about my newest project! 

I've talked a little about my motivation for the project HERE and spoke a little cryptically HERE and HERE about my service project in the works...

but I couldn't give you the full rundown because I hadn't received approval yet.

But I have NOW!!!

And I can't tell you how EXCITED I am!!

I've been dreaming about this for a long time and I feel like I'm finally getting the right people on board and making it all come together. 

I hope you can all jump on board with me too because I know I can't do this alone!

"Teamwork divides the task and multiplies the success."  ~Author Unknown

"No one can whistle a symphony.  It takes a whole orchestra to play it."  ~H.E. Luccock
 

Here are the details:

The Special Care and Obstetrics Unit at Good Samaritan Hospital specializes in caring for women with high-risk pregnancies who require additional care and may need to spend extra time or even live in the hospital. 

Depending on the circumstances, expecting mothers can be admitted into Special Care Obstetrics anywhere between six weeks and full term, making a typical stay range from hours to weeks. 

There is a long list of complications that could bring you into this unit - you can find them HERE.

This unit is a place I once called home. The doctors and nurses here saved my baby's life and I will forever be grateful! 

This is the one and only picture that was taken while I lived there. 

Since I have been one of their patients, I have experienced some of the same struggles their current patients are experiencing.

I know they are often forgotten in their struggles and grief…I felt the same and I want to change that. 

I want the patients to feel heard, understood and loved by someone who has been confined to the same bed and knows first hand the war that must be fought to save a life. 

I want to provide hope, motivation and encouragement to them in any way I can. 

I will be holding donation drives for books, puzzles, cards and envelopes, games, craft kits, etc. Anything and everything that these confined women can do to keep them busy, keep them learning and involved with their hobbies, families and other children. I will be organizing it all in a room that is easily accessible to the nurses to help serve the women.

·         I will put together a gift bag for each of the women who are required to stay for longer periods of time.

I would like them to receive a gift bag containing items that I treasured while I was battling for my baby’s life. 

They would include inexpensive items, but items that I know would be treasured....A shower loofa, body wash, manicure set, nail polish, ear plugs, eye mask, lip gloss, notebook and pen.

Each of the long-term patients as well as the short-term patients will also receive a card introducing them to a new way of seeing their world at this difficult time…a practice that was introduced to me when I was in the same situation. 

The same "little things" way of seeing the world that I have introduced to you HERE and a lot of you have shared with us HERE.

I'm SO excited to hit the ground running with this project ... I'm now on to planning book drives, fund-raising opportunities and possibly selling handmade items to benefit the cause.

I will be keeping you all updated ... I would LOVE to have you help out in any way you can! 

You will be blessing the lives of some REALLY special women!

you can contact me here:

squeezingitallin@gmail.com 
(please excuse all the weird font issues....not sure what's going on today!)

"little things" I never knew

I never knew how my life would change when I became a Mother.

I never knew the worry or the sleepless nights.

I never knew the self sacrifice and self-less attitude required.

I never knew the weight of responsibility I know now.

But, even knowing everything I know now
(and with so much more to learn!)...
I wouldn't DREAM of changing anything!

Some of my newest readers may not know that I have a condition which prevents me from being able to carry babies in my belly safely to a viable term ... I have learned that my belly is a very volatile place to be.

All the fear, grief, sorrow, pain and emotional mess that accompanies this complication is part of who I am ...

but I have learned so much from all that has come from those scary experiences and have been given two amazing and incredibly handsome miracle boys that bless my every moment ...
and ten other nieces and nephews who put the cherries on top of those moments.

I wish I could have told my younger self to get ready because there was going to be lots of tough times,
but out of those tough times would come 2 little men that would light up my life forever and 10 gorgeous little people who would help those little men change me for the better.

The top of my "little things" list today is ...
being able to fill up on some time with all of those beautiful little people this summer!

If you had the chance, what would YOU tell your younger self?
Whats on the top of YOUR "little things" list today?

Put your answers in the comments ... I would LOVE to hear what you have to say!

the verdict…

I have been searching for motivation to write a post in the past 5 days…
I’ve decided to write some of my feelings down in hopes that some honesty will be my motivational cure.
Last week I went to my OB for a yearly checkup and to give a sad goodbye – he is moving out of town.

Now let’s stop here for a moment.
I’m sure most of you, who are women, are thinking…
”say goodbye? good riddance!” No one LIKES their OB!
Well, my OB, myself and my family have been through WAR together
and he is now considered part of the family…
so it was sad. in a strange sort of way.

Anyway, I had to have a difficult conversation with him in regards to my future as a mother.
He was on the front lines of the battle for the life of my miracle blue boy and watched as my body rejected the precious life time and time again…
and he saved that life time and time again…
while also keeping my health a priority.

With this, you might catch a small glimpse of the importance of this man –
to me his opinion carried the weight of the world…and still does.
 
I needed to know his opinion on whether I would be capable of carrying more children in the future…
if that is what was right for our family.
I needed to be able to tuck that opinion away to simmer.

The verdict:
the Wilson’s should NOT try to have anymore children.

Now, this was something I had told myself already, but hearing it from a professional whose opinion is cherished by many…including me…stung so much deeper.
It cut through my heart.

Let’s get this straight…I am NOT looking to have anymore children today…who knows if I ever will.

But with this verdict, I feel stripped naked of my freedom to choose.  
I feel the possibility for increased joy and fulfillment in our family’s life by welcoming a new little spirit has been taken away. 
I feel like I’ve been forced to stop dreaming that the impossible could be possible again!

I will always be full of joy and wonder at our two handsome miracle boys and we will thank the Lord every single day for their sweet presence in our life.
(If you are new to the complications I face…the quickest run down is that my body is not capable of keeping a baby full term and my body rejects the baby by constantly contracting starting around week 14)

But hearing these words have made us angry and sad.
I think it’s going to be a process for us to grieve the possible future and find our way to acceptance…
to find a new future.

So if you are pregnant and I don’t talk to you…it’s because I can’t.
Please don’t hate me.
I’m insanely jealous of your beautiful shape and the life growing inside you.
If your pregnant and I do talk to you…I can because I’m pretending you aren’t pregnant.
If you have a newborn and you catch me stealing glances it’s because I’m basking in that heavenly smell and newly formed bond vicariously through you.

So for now, I’m just going to let Mr. Wilson and myself be sad… and for later…
well, we’ll just have to see about that.
(maybe the plan for our family is so much better than we could ever dream up…and this is just where we need to begin that journey)

I read something recently that struck a chord with me and a little project I’ve been dreaming up in my mind for a while now…

”Work will cure your grief. Serve others”
-President Gordon B. Hinkley

”The more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls”
– President Spencer W. Kimball

and my favorite…”Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.”
–James Barrie (author of Peter Pan)

I have something exciting in the works to serve those who have some of the same conditions as me.
Those women who suffer and whose babies suffer as well because of these conditions...
I want them to feel sunshine. I want them to feel heard. I want them to feel loved. 

Cross your fingers that I will be able to push this project forward…
I will need YOUR help!

“little things” feature

We all have times when life is hard…and then times when life is REALLY hard! We also have times when life seems like it couldn’t get any better!

During one of these REALLY hard times in my life, I was pregnant with my green eyed boy, and my sweet angel mother came to the rescue.

I was hopeless and depressed. Everyday was a scary burden and I didn’t feel like I was going to survive emotionally. See, I was told there was no way I was going to be able to finish my pregnancy and I was to prepare myself to bury my baby. I was already half way through the pregnancy and so excited to be a first-time Mother. I was thrown into a brick wall and my whole world stopped. I had emergency surgery to desperately try to save my child, but my doctors still weren’t very hopeful.

This is when the “little things” search started in my life.

My angel Mother called one day and could feel my hopelessness. She said something that I’ve never forgotten.

“Search for 5 things that you are grateful for today, something that makes you smile – even for a moment. Something little. Something that could easily be overlooked. If you can’t find 5 things…just find one.”

At first, I just cried harder because, well, her request felt impossible. I was blinded by the fear, the hopelessness and the depression. But then I decided to try…so I started my scavenger hunt for MY 5 ”little things”. I swear the first day all I could come up with was… “I can see the sky from my tiny window”…I was confined to my bed, not able to move so the only hope I could find was the view from my bedroom window. sad, I know. but true.

Then, the more I tried, the easier it got. It was never REALLY easy. I had to make a conscious decision to open my eyes and seek for the positive. Now some people are just born with the talent to always be optimistic, but unfortunately so…I would not categorize myself to be one of those.

As time has passed, life has gone up and down, but one thing has remained the same…I try my best to search for the ‘little things’ in life that have the potential to bring so much joy. Sometimes I still miss them – I’m not perfect. But when I try it changes everything.

For example: last night I had to go to a meeting at 7pm. Mr. Wilson had gone to school after work and we had already had a full and difficult day. My blue boy had been crying for 2 hours non-stop and my green boy refused to walk, or put his shoes on, or his pants. And I was already late and I had never been to this woman’s house.

But then it happened…My blue boy sat in my lap and stopped crying and then my green boy said “is this meeting going to be in a different world than ours? Do you think it’s pretty there?” That was it. That was my “little things” moment. It made me stop, smile, laugh and remember what was most important. And you know what? Those ladies didn’t care that I was late.

So when you are overworked, in a rush, stressed, sad, grumpy, sick, hurt or even when life is great…open your eyes. Find just a small moment and enjoy it. Those “little things” are what life is made of…thanks to my angel Mother, it has changed me.

So it seems fitting that my first “little things” feature be from the woman who started it all…


Little things by DeNiel…
1. The sun finally deciding to shine today
2. My son-in-law flashing his handsome smile at me the day after his painful surgery
3. A jumping, wiggling, licking greeting from a sweet dog
4. My grand son peeking around the corner to find me…and then giggle with delight when his eyes met mine
5. My grand daughter jumping out of her car seat and into my arms when she saw me
6. The sight of my pregnant daughter’s "cankle" after a rough fall…and knowing that she and her sweet baby are alright
7. A phone call or text from my beautiful daughter that lives too far away

Go start YOUR search…
when you have your list email me at squeezingitallin@gmail.com and I can feature you and your treasures!

Have a great weekend!

My melting heart....

This sweet face seems to do it every time...

I really don’t mind…

I really don’t mind the countless dirty diapers,
or all the nightly feedings…
I really don’t mind the engorgement, sore body,
or the constant need for a nap…
I really don’t mind the moments of newborn screaming,
or the accidents around the clock…
I really don’t mind the milk stains on my clothes,
or all the new laundry being created…
I don’t mind any of it because I have this beautiful gift in my arms with the scent of heaven still on his soft skin. I’m too busy enjoying his sleepy smiles and skinny limbs, his curled up toes and fuzzy black hair. I’m loving every moment the Lord has given me.

Together…

Our sweet Evan Grant is home! My Dad took some beautiful pictures of him the day he was born…isn’t he the most beautiful sight you’ve ever seen!?! There really are no words to describe how overjoyed we are to bring our healthy baby home in our arms…



Andrew couldn’t wait to meet his little brother! He has a hard time saying “Evan” sometimes so every once in a while when he isn’t thinking his brother’s name comes out as “Baby Heaven”.  I couldn’t agree more! It brings me to tears when I hear those words….tears of pure relief and joy! We definitely have  a gift from heaven in our home…two of them to be exact.  Here are my two miracles together at last.

Thanksgiving Baby

When I first found out my due date was Thanksgiving I wasn't sure how I felt about having a baby on a holiday, but the farther along we got, the more miracles we saw, and the numerous times our baby was saved, the more I realized how perfect it really was. I decided no matter when our baby was born, I would always consider him my "Thanksgiving baby".

I don't really sleep at night due to the unbearable pain I'm usually in, but last night I woke at 1:20 and my body felt a little different....let's just say even more pain than normal. I could tell what my body was up to so I woke Doug and thanks to a very quick and loving sister and brother-in-law, we were off, with Andrew staying back with them in safe keeping. Doug drove as fast as he could to the hospital and 2 1/2 hours later I was holding this beauty...
I know the birth of every baby is a miracle, but to have been blessed to have gotten this one here healthy and strong is a MIR. A. CLE! It took a small army to achieve this task and I couldn't be more grateful for each member of that army! I look at him and am in awe at the feat we have just accomplished. There were many times Doug and I looked at the possibility of losing him straight in the face, but we were blessed to overcome.
He didn't cry when he was born and he needed an oxygen mask and some coaxing but after some time he was breathing on his own. I finally got to hold him and I was overcome with many emotions - mostly gratitude...we did it! With the Lord's numerous blessings - we did it!I'm sure you are wondering what his name is...his name is Evan. We are thinking about a middle name, that's still to come.And this is the amazing man, Dr. Gildenblatt,h who is basically part of our family now. We couldn't have been successful without him. We love him dearly and we are so blessed to have found him!
That is all for now. I'm going to sleep. I'm so grateful to all of you for your thoughts, prayers and support. I'll be so happy taking November 7th to welcome my sweet baby into the world....November 7th or 27th, Evan will STILL and ALWAYS be my "Thanksgiving baby"!

We made it!

I've never been a big fan of Halloween, but this Halloween was and always will be a special one for me.

"Let's just pray we make it to Halloween." That's been my Mom's goal for this little babe in my belly from the very beginning. As we celebrated the holiday I couldn't help but be in shock and awe all day long. I kept thinking..."WOW. It really happened. We made it." We've been blessed to achieve many goals along this journey, but this one was the final goal, before the actual due date goal, and wasn't ever sure my body would make it. I still have no words to describe the feeling this achievement brings. I am just so incredibly grateful!
Here is our knight in shining armor all ready to go! He loves this costume and has deemed himself as very brave and courageous (just like Nephi)....especially when it comes to dragons!
I had a day loaded with pain and did my best to enjoy the festivities. I lounged back at the house to pass out candy and missed out on seeing my cute boy trick or treat, but we snapped a quick picture before they headed off.
Friday night we all sat around the kitchen table after dinner and carved pumpkins....one of our favorite things to do for Halloween. I was very excited to try out my new candelabra/skull pattern....it was lots of fun!
We hope you enjoyed your Halloween....now it's on to November, Thanksgiving and our final goal! Yeah!

Results

The test results came back and the outcome has just brought us to continue our prayers that my body can still hold on just a little longer without trouble...and that baby can cook just a little longer too. May the Lord continue to watch over our little one - and keep my body strong.

Tests...

I had the tests done today and all that has resulted so far is more pain and discomfort... not much fun - now I'm just lying around recuperating.

I'll update you when we know the results or if something happens.

Today I'm grateful for a husband who wants to tell me made up stories about purple dragons to try and keep my mind off the pain.

Polka dots...

Hope you are having a good weekend....
Monday will be here before you know it. I will update you on our status as soon we know more....

I'm grateful for polka dots today. Well, actually, that would be everyday.

Sweaty Hands

I had yet another appointment. As I was riding in the elevator I realized that my hands were sweaty and I was having trouble breathing....no, my hands don't get sweaty often... I was just extremely nervous.

I told Doug on Monday night that something was going to happen at my appointment - I didn't know why or what, I just knew something was coming. As we were getting checked out and the ultrasound was being done all I could do was look at my doctor's face for a reaction....and I got one. We found a new problem that concerns my own health and permanent damage to my body which Doug and I hadn't really considered before. The problem is due to the surgery we have to have to try and keep a baby in my womb along with all the complications I have throughout the pregnancy. As far as I can understand, those two added together have brought about this new problem. I guess we were always worrying about the baby's health too much to really worry about my own.

Well, we now are concerned, but we know that we are in good hands and are being watched over by our Father in Heaven.

I have no real way of explaining it on the blog that would make me feel comfortable so I'm not sure what to say for those of you who really want to know. I'm still alight, but we aren't sure how much longer it will stay that way so we have to go in on Monday to have some tests done and decisions made. We will continue to pray that my body can stay strong and our sweet little one as well. No matter what outcome we see, the Lord is on our side.

Today I am grateful for pink peanut M&Ms and a Knight costume...I've been watched over all day by a little 3 1/2 year old Knight in Shining Armor - who I must say is quite brave!

Fuzzy hair...

So I know I didn't update this week like I said I would. Things are still status quo. I had this weird epiphany at my appointment and was a little on the emotionally crazy side for a few days... so I decided to take a little break from the blog.

During another one of my uncomfortable ultrasounds, (of which I've had 35+ during this pregnancy...and I'm weeks away from even being 35 weeks along!) I saw our baby's fuzzy head of hair. This might seem like a very minor image, but to me it brought an epiphany I never expected.

Before Doug and I even started thinking and praying about this next step in our family's life, we were not able to allow ourselves to get excited about the prospect of another sweet baby in our family. I know many others were excited for us, but we held ourselves back for good reason.

We knew what our Heavenly Father wanted us to do and had faith that He would see us through our journey, but we were also armed with the knowledge of my condition and the possible outcomes that present themselves along with it. This brought about uncertainty and discomfort with the unknown. We couldn't really talk about the baby or plan in any way for the arrival of a baby. We just walked the path slowly and carefully with Faith hoping we could make it to our goal.

This lasted until we hit the 28-30 week mark. Once we hit that goal we found ourselves staring at each other in disbelief saying..."We are actually going to have a baby!" It brought about some much needed and anticipated relief and we were finally able to let go of some of the other feelings.

This brings me to the fuzzy hair....how could a blurry image of my baby's fuzzy hair suddenly snap me into the reality that this special baby is real. He is ours. He is actually coming. I have a baby belly, I have all the discomforts of pregnancy along with all my extra 'special' ones, I have most all the signs of labor everyday, I have people trying to stop that labor all the time, I have been in and out of the hospital, I've had to have surgery to try and keep my baby in my womb, he moves inside my belly, etc. etc. etc. How could I experience these things since week 14 and NOT feel like this is real? How could a baby's fuzzy hair be the key? I have no idea.

All I can say is I am dumbfounded, in awe, in shock, amazed, and so incredibly grateful that we have come this far. We have been showered with miracles. This child is one incredible soul...

and I'm grateful for his fuzzy hair...

open arms and big smiles

I didn't sleep last night and I had a hard time eating much of anything all day due to my scheduled appointment in the afternoon. The unknown seems to be the cause of many uneasy feelings and some sleepless nights, but we have continued to be surprised with more blessings and miracles in the midst of the constant unknown.

I walked into the office and was welcomed with open arms and big smiles and set in the usual room. The receptionist checked what shoes I was wearing, which she does every time I come, and was happy to see the polka dots instead of the now - dreaded by all employees of my doctor - zebra print beauties....They seem to believe that those blessed shoes are the cause of my last hospital admittance and long hospital stay. Silly women...

Anyway, without much detail at all things are still about the same. Not good but not at its absolute worst. My doctor and all the nurses are absolutely amazed that this baby is still growing in my belly. They call me the 'special one', hold my hand, and walk me through every scary moment like I am one of their own. The Lord has blessed us with these fantastic doctors and nurses and we are so grateful.

Puzzle Pieces

In this journey our little family is on I have learned a few more intimate details about some of the virtues I most desperately want to fully acquire: Patience, Faith, Endurance and Hope. It seems as though we all find little pieces of these virtues, and others, in our individual lives and experiences but never each one in its complete 1,000 piece package. I'm sure we all wish we could just find the whole puzzle, snatch it up, call it ours, and never lose a piece, but I know that's not the way we are intended to learn here on this Earth. I've been studying a little on Patience the last few days and here are a couple of thoughts I wanted to share...

"Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature. There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all. Our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required." Thomas S. Monson
"Elder Neal A. Maxwell linked patience and faith together when he taught: “Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best—better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than His” (“Patience,” Ensign, Oct. 1980, 28).
"We can grow in faith only if we are willing to wait patiently for God’s purposes and patterns to unfold in our lives, on His timetable" Robert C. Oaks

I finished a quilt block with embroidery recently for my Mom that just happened to have this scripture on it....

"...Tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope."
(Romans 5:3-4)

I am VERY far from fully understanding and embodying the virtues I've been studying, but I'm praying to continue finding one piece at a time in hopes that some day I will look and realize that I have found at least half of my puzzle.

Don't forget...click here and ENTER...you only have until Sunday!!!

Time.

Why does time seem to slow to a near standstill when you just want it to speed up? and why does time seem to steadily zip by you when all you want is for it to slow down so you can indulge in every moment? How is that possible?

As I made my weekly trip to the doctor yesterday I saw all the signs of life continuing on at what seems such a fast pace... new buildings erected, newly paved roads, kids coming from and going to school, new decorations on homes and buildings and the beginning signs of a new season. Andrew has gotten taller and leaner, he's grown out of most of his clothes, and he is only a month or so away from being 3 1/2! When did it all happen? Where have I been?

It seems as though I've been placed in a time warp and can't get out no matter how hard I try. Time is a funny thing.

If only time could do exactly what we want it to when we want it to....Don't you think there is a lesson to learn there?

The short rundown of my appointment....not great, but not bad. My measurements aren't good, but that isn't news to anybody. The surgery we had is doing it's job of keeping baby safe and a mere couple of stitches has allowed our baby to grow another month. (sorry if that's too much info) I got to come back home only because the medication is keeping my contractions from being regular. Baby is still breech which has allowed us to gain some precious time as well and baby is measuring approximately 4 lbs. We'll see what next week's appointment brings as long as baby stays put for the next 6 days. Keep your fingers crossed! Only TIME will tell.....hah!

Noses...

Today I have the best company in the whole world right by my side...my sweetheart. He had surgery bright and early this morning on his nose. He got a nose job....no, I'm just kidding. He has a seriously deviated septum and needed to get it fixed. I was so sad waking up this morning to a quiet house knowing that my best friend and husband was in the hospital and I couldn't be there for him when he woke up. I obviously can't do much for him, but I'm so grateful I get to be here to welcome him home, help change his bandages and hold his hand. We are so lucky to have Doug's Mom in town to help us out....we are a pretty pathetic pair today! Thanks LaVon!

I have been very surprised at the adjustment it's been for me to come home from the hospital. I thought it would just be a great big relief and I would be ecstatic from the moment I walked in the door! You would probably think that too.....right?!?! Well, it actually took a few days...and to be honest, maybe a few more after that. Maybe it was the fear and worry of the unknown possibilities that made it hard. Maybe it was the pain and discomfort, or just the frustration that comes with the fact that you should be all better when you leave the hospital - not the same. Actually, I think it's all too complicated to go into the details of why on Earth it would turn out that way...it just is what it is. I've come to find that I'm just a big roller coaster right now-up and down and all around - and this journey is the ride you get on and then as you are strapped in you are also fitted with a blindfold....you never know what to expect. We've adjusted and regained our balance. I can't even say it with words that express the feelings projected behind this statement....we have been soooo incredibly blessed by the Lord to have this child still safe in my belly. How grateful we are for the miracles we've seen! As I lie here next to a sleeping and healing Doug I've been thinking about Faith and Fear....I just read a talk by Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin. Here is just a little snippet....
"Fear can make us run away from things—things like setting and achieving goals, developing relationships, or becoming the people we know we should become. Sometimes fear can even paralyze us to the point that we don’t even try.

Fear can be a thick fog that smothers our dreams. It can be a cage that restrains us from reaching our destiny. It can be a weight that restrains our every step.

We may not be immune to being afraid, but we do not have to succumb to it."
"Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail." (D&C 6:34)

We all feel fear. It manifests itself in various forms and might weave us blindfolded up and down and all around, but we know that with the Lord we will always find ourselves peace and safety at the end of the ride.

Today I'm grateful for my nose, no matter how bumpy my bridge may be. May Doug's heal quickly and his breath forever be effortless...